And so the end is near...
Jo gott folk, jag har nu blivit föräldralös. Sa upp kontakten med min far idag. Av diverse anledningar och saker jag fått reda på i efterhand som bara spätt på vad jag kännt sedan innan vid hans senaste besök här.
Jag skrev till honom och han blev snabbt ledsen men också offensiv. Högg tillbaks o försvarade sig med ursäkter efter ursäkter. Känns som ett alltför stort projekt o förklara vad han sa o vad jag sa så jag bifogar här mitt mail till honom så får ni klura själva o dyker frågor upp iaf så har ni juh kommentarfältet nedan. Jag svarar gärna.
Vidare till vad som mer hänt i veckan.
Jag o T hamnade i värsta bråket som egentligen startade med en utav hans vänner o deras diet.
Same goes here - frågor om detta? så fråga ;)
Hursomhelst var det RIKTIGT illa... Grälet alltså. Allt som bråkas om rör juh inte längre bara en själv. Det rör ju Alex med. Därför är det ÄNNU viktigare att gå till botten med allt.
Slutet var nära ett tag trodde jag. Men ni anar inte vad BAKNING kan göra... :P
Jo, vi bakade tillsammans för första gången. Det var samma kväll och jag var bitter.
Började baka o T hakade på.
Det gick fint. Bakning borde vara familjetearpi ;)
Där satt vi alla tre, ja Alex var med med gott humör hihi!
Resultatet blev en GUDOMLIG kladdkaka (T fixade smeten o skall nu ALLTID få den uppgiften hihi!), scones och Philadefiatårta! Yes, äntligen har jag hittat receptet! Ngn som är nyfis på den? - fråga :P
Hum, är nog Madinspirerad åter en gång!
Ännu en lyckad frukost med Saya och fler blir det hoppas jag! Älskar våra frukostar! Har dessutom kommit på fölsedagsgåvan till henne hihi! :P
En minst sagt späckad vecka har det varit. Och nu ska jag koppla av med lite sällskapsspel med grabbarna här hemma o sen ska jag fortsätta på mitt lilla projekt som jag inom en snart framtid kommer att lägga upp här ;)
Stay tuned hihi!
Peace!
Här är mailet jag skickade, ja med alla stavfel - så blir det när det brådskar o det är ett känslomässigt brev...
First of all I´d like to let you know that I´m not the least mad or angry at you.
I´m only making a choice that I feel suites me for now best.
I belive that you maybe aren´t ready to be in my life?
Any way I feel that this is best, to just cut this bond. You are welcome to write to me if you like, I will not close you totally out of my life, but this is the way it has to be.
I don´t hate you and I´m not mad at you.
1. It was never about the money, I´m sorry that Thomas purschase of the bracelet has put you in inconveniense. There was a mistake with paperwork he had to send and forgot to. Therefore we have to manage on my money this month.
That put us in a prioritysituation, rent had to be paied, food, bills and so on.
2. The only thing that truly made me dissapointed with you was the way you treated the cats. They are also familymembers to us and I wished you had respected that.
I did not appretiate your manners here, my home is your home - take care of it as it was yours to then.
3. You of all people, father of more than ONE child, should know that children cry sometimes. That doesn´t mean you never pick them up again. I found that abit silly. But I respect that you didn´t pick Alex up, maybe you didn´t feel like it. The reason is not important. Although I would have appretiated some support and help from you while you were here. If the baby cries then pick it up and comfort I think.
That leades me to nr.4:
I belive that your and moms mistakes has only made me a better parent today. I know what hurt and what to do and handle situations differently. Nobody said parenting was a piece of cake, and that I know. But one thing that one can never do wrong in is to LOVE you child and ALWAYS SHOW IT. That came to be very important in my upbringing. I miss that. That is my akillesheal. That I never had that from my parents.
What doesn´t kill you makes you stronger. Remember that.
5. About VISION: I have worked in similar conditions and companies. I know. And I apreciate that you wanted whats best for me but I have two things to answer:
- Yes, never buy anything from realtives and never try TO SELL THEM THINGS. that was my first lesson I learned withing this buisness.
- If it was so great, that why does your salary depent on one customer? On one sell? Never speak well or bad about something you don´t have fullt experience of...
6. I belive that you don´t know to well, half of what I´m trying to explaing you don´t understand. Listening means answering to you. Sometimes one needs to reflect on what has been said. Even if it takes a great while. That´s better so nothing wroing is said.
7. I understand if showing emotions is tough for you. But that´s the thing. I UNDERSTAND. I always will, that´s what a family does. And I don´t think you had any problems with that last year..?
Life is to short for that.
Finally, Im sorry for your troubles and I wish you, Tamara and the rest of your family th best. I hope it works out.
With no grudge and no regrets I know thank you for letting me know who my father is. Now it is time for me to take my place and find who I am. In all aspects. In order to do that I need to say no to anything that sadens me and stops me from feelign well.
Hugs/ Alma
"(Now it is time for me to take my place and find who I am. In all aspects.)In order to do that I need to say no to anything that sadens me and stops me from feelign well."
En ståndpunkt som passar vid alla tidpunkter i livet om man ska uppnå inre välmående, totally agree with you hun. :)
Strong gjort Alma!
Love you
